For all you mothers out there, I am sure you would agree that there is nothing in this world more miraculous than the act of becoming a mother for the first time; whether it is by giving birth or holding your adopted child in your arms. It is one aspect of being a woman, which until it has been experienced first hand, is truly difficult to fully explain the fabulousness of the entire experience.

Mother’s Day is the opportunity to value your maternal strengths and learn to appreciate the intensity of a mother’s love. Once you are a mother yourself, being able to receive love from your own child while at the same time express it to your own mother is a balancing act which can difficult to do.

For many out there, Mother’s Day brings a flush of emotions, which are not all positive.
For many out there, Mother’s Day brings a flush of emotions, which are not all positive. And, for many it is a source of outright stress. What if your mother has passed away? What if you never knew her to begin with? What if your mother did not live up to what society views as a good mother? What if your mother never really supported or understood you? What if your mother was never able to fully give herself to her children or be completely reliable? What if your relationship with her is estranged or you never received unconditional love from her?

In our society, motherhood is still idealized. And most mothers (if not all) are incapable of remaining on that pedestal which society has placed them on. So how does one get through Mother’s Day in such a scenario?

Tips to Help Cope if Mother’s Day is Difficult:

1. Celebrate being a mother yourself. If you have your own children, focus on being spoiled. Let your family lavish you with love and rest and a stress free day. But, most importantly, recognize the difficult job you have taken on, praise yourself for it, and acknowledge that you too are not perfect.
2. Follow your heart. Be honest with yourself. Adhere to your own values. Don’t fluff up a card if you really do not mean it. There is nothing worse than a lovey-dovey card which has INSINCERE written all over it. And, make sure your boundaries are clear with those around you.
3. Take ‘should’, ‘would’, ‘could’ out of your vocabulary. Do not ever let anyone dictate to you what you are supposed to be feeling. Or, make you feel guilty if your feelings are different from theirs. There is nothing more frustrating than being told what to think, what to feel, when you should laugh, or should do this or that. Do what works for you. Feel what works for you. And, if someone else does not like it, it is really their issue to deal with, isn’t it?
4. Don’t be baited by negativity. There is an expression that I love which I try very hard to live by (often unsuccessfully) which is paraphrased as follows: “You are not obligated to attend every argument you are invited to.” Sound familiar? Try to surround yourself with positivity. If there are negative people on the horizon, be courteous, be polite, but don’t take the bait.
5. Be honest with yourself about how this Day is making you feel. No need to fake it. Acknowledge your feelings, whatever they are, and work through them. Call a close friend. Go to the gym. Go see your therapist. Whatever it takes to help you get through the day.

So as Mother’s Day approaches over the next few weeks, decide ahead of time how you wish to spend the day. Plan ahead. And rely on your inner strengths as a woman and know that you really can get through anything.

And to all those who are celebrating, may this day bring you joy and pleasure from both your children and families.

Image: Child With I Love My Mom Message” by Stuart Miles courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.

We often get bogged down in our busy schedules and one-on-one time with each of our children is unheard of. It’s sometimes just logistically impossible in a house where there are young children, two parents working, numerous extra curricular activities, etc.

But, over the last several weeks, I have had the opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with each of my three children. I did not plan ahead of time, but circumstances were such that the opportunities presented themselves. And, was I ever happy that they did. It had been awhile since I had been able to have this individualized time. And, it was fabulous. And, to be honest, I forgot how much I enjoy each of my children with their individual personalities, quirks and completely different senses of humor.

So aside from the fun aspect, what are the real benefits of one-on-one time with our children? Why should we go out of our way and make the time?

BENEFITS OF ONE-ON-ONE TIME:

1. Significant bonding between parent and child – The family dynamic, when all members are present, does not always allot time for us to cater to the individual needs of each child. Spending time alone with each kid means there is no competition or comparison between them. There is no sibling rivalry in the mix. It is merely an opportunity for us to listen to them and hear their fears and worries and enjoy their uniqueness.
2. Builds self-confidence in our children – In a house where more than one child is present, there is always one child who is the least outgoing. Or the most shy. Or the most insecure. This child, without us realizing it on a regular basis, probably does not feel as heard as s/he would like in the presence of siblings. Time alone with mom or dad can help our children come out of their shell. Again, there is no one else there competing for our attention. This is their time. They get to have a say in how the time is spent. And, they get to be the center of attention.
3. Decreases attention-seeking behavior – Children who have opportunities to have the one-on-one time and attention with their parents might not feel the need to consistently seek their parents attention at other times. That void would be filled. And when in the group setting they will be more relaxed and not feel the need to be jealous of compliments paid to a sibling, for instance.
4. Excellent way to get to know our children - Getting to know our children not only as ‘one of the kids’ but as an individual. We often see our kids and judge them based on how they act, react, and contribute to the family dynamic. This is just one small piece of the puzzle. Our kids have so much to offer. We just need to take the time to get to know them not as the one who always whines or the one who won’t sit during dinner or the one who does not give anyone their personal space. We learn their interests, their likes/dislikes and we can incorporate this information into other aspects of our daily living.

For instance, if we discover that one child really likes to cook, or wants to learn to cook, then giving him/ her responsibilities around meal time preparation and clean up is a skill which can be nurtured far beyond our ‘day out’ together. Time alone sends our kids the message that they are important.

What we do with our kids is not as important as the quality of the time we spend with them. We must make sure it is relaxing and enjoyable. We can find a common interest with our children, which does not have to break the bank. The time alone with us will help our children learn to be confident with their place in the family. And, it most certainly will create lasting positive memories for all of us.