The Inner Conflict of Mother's Day

For all you mothers out there, I am sure you would agree that there is nothing in this world more miraculous than the act of becoming a mother for the first time; whether it is by giving birth or holding your adopted child in your arms. It is one aspect of being a woman, which until it has been experienced first hand, is truly difficult to fully explain the fabulousness of the entire experience.

Mother’s Day is the opportunity to value your maternal strengths and learn to appreciate the intensity of a mother’s love. Once you are a mother yourself, being able to receive love from your own child while at the same time express it to your own mother is a balancing act which can difficult to do.

For many out there, Mother’s Day brings a flush of emotions, which are not all positive.
For many out there, Mother’s Day brings a flush of emotions, which are not all positive. And, for many it is a source of outright stress. What if your mother has passed away? What if you never knew her to begin with? What if your mother did not live up to what society views as a good mother? What if your mother never really supported or understood you? What if your mother was never able to fully give herself to her children or be completely reliable? What if your relationship with her is estranged or you never received unconditional love from her?

In our society, motherhood is still idealized. And most mothers (if not all) are incapable of remaining on that pedestal which society has placed them on. So how does one get through Mother’s Day in such a scenario?

Tips to Help Cope if Mother’s Day is Difficult:

1. Celebrate being a mother yourself. If you have your own children, focus on being spoiled. Let your family lavish you with love and rest and a stress free day. But, most importantly, recognize the difficult job you have taken on, praise yourself for it, and acknowledge that you too are not perfect.
2. Follow your heart. Be honest with yourself. Adhere to your own values. Don’t fluff up a card if you really do not mean it. There is nothing worse than a lovey-dovey card which has INSINCERE written all over it. And, make sure your boundaries are clear with those around you.
3. Take ‘should’, ‘would’, ‘could’ out of your vocabulary. Do not ever let anyone dictate to you what you are supposed to be feeling. Or, make you feel guilty if your feelings are different from theirs. There is nothing more frustrating than being told what to think, what to feel, when you should laugh, or should do this or that. Do what works for you. Feel what works for you. And, if someone else does not like it, it is really their issue to deal with, isn’t it?
4. Don’t be baited by negativity. There is an expression that I love which I try very hard to live by (often unsuccessfully) which is paraphrased as follows: “You are not obligated to attend every argument you are invited to.” Sound familiar? Try to surround yourself with positivity. If there are negative people on the horizon, be courteous, be polite, but don’t take the bait.
5. Be honest with yourself about how this Day is making you feel. No need to fake it. Acknowledge your feelings, whatever they are, and work through them. Call a close friend. Go to the gym. Go see your therapist. Whatever it takes to help you get through the day.

So as Mother’s Day approaches over the next few weeks, decide ahead of time how you wish to spend the day. Plan ahead. And rely on your inner strengths as a woman and know that you really can get through anything.

And to all those who are celebrating, may this day bring you joy and pleasure from both your children and families.