The Importance of One-On-One Time with Each Child

We often get bogged down in our busy schedules and one-on-one time with each of our children is unheard of. It’s sometimes just logistically impossible in a house where there are young children, two parents working, numerous extra curricular activities, etc.

But, over the last several weeks, I have had the opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with each of my three children. I did not plan ahead of time, but circumstances were such that the opportunities presented themselves. And, was I ever happy that they did. It had been awhile since I had been able to have this individualized time. And, it was fabulous. And, to be honest, I forgot how much I enjoy each of my children with their individual personalities, quirks and completely different senses of humor.

So aside from the fun aspect, what are the real benefits of one-on-one time with our children? Why should we go out of our way and make the time?

BENEFITS OF ONE-ON-ONE TIME:

1. Significant bonding between parent and child – The family dynamic, when all members are present, does not always allot time for us to cater to the individual needs of each child. Spending time alone with each kid means there is no competition or comparison between them. There is no sibling rivalry in the mix. It is merely an opportunity for us to listen to them and hear their fears and worries and enjoy their uniqueness.
2. Builds self-confidence in our children – In a house where more than one child is present, there is always one child who is the least outgoing. Or the most shy. Or the most insecure. This child, without us realizing it on a regular basis, probably does not feel as heard as s/he would like in the presence of siblings. Time alone with mom or dad can help our children come out of their shell. Again, there is no one else there competing for our attention. This is their time. They get to have a say in how the time is spent. And, they get to be the center of attention.
3. Decreases attention-seeking behavior – Children who have opportunities to have the one-on-one time and attention with their parents might not feel the need to consistently seek their parents attention at other times. That void would be filled. And when in the group setting they will be more relaxed and not feel the need to be jealous of compliments paid to a sibling, for instance.
4. Excellent way to get to know our children - Getting to know our children not only as ‘one of the kids’ but as an individual. We often see our kids and judge them based on how they act, react, and contribute to the family dynamic. This is just one small piece of the puzzle. Our kids have so much to offer. We just need to take the time to get to know them not as the one who always whines or the one who won’t sit during dinner or the one who does not give anyone their personal space. We learn their interests, their likes/dislikes and we can incorporate this information into other aspects of our daily living.

For instance, if we discover that one child really likes to cook, or wants to learn to cook, then giving him/ her responsibilities around meal time preparation and clean up is a skill which can be nurtured far beyond our ‘day out’ together. Time alone sends our kids the message that they are important.

What we do with our kids is not as important as the quality of the time we spend with them. We must make sure it is relaxing and enjoyable. We can find a common interest with our children, which does not have to break the bank. The time alone with us will help our children learn to be confident with their place in the family. And, it most certainly will create lasting positive memories for all of us.