So last week a story on Facebook came through my newsfeed, entitled The Day I Stopped Saying “Hurry Up’’, by Rachel Macy Stafford. The story has gone viral and I am not sure why. The mother in the story, namely the author, discusses how her daughter taught her to appreciate the little things in life. Stopping to breathe in fresh air every day. Stopping to examine everything out in nature. Teaching her to slow down and enjoy all that life has to offer. Every day. All the time.

In an ideal world, being able to take our time to do absolutely everything sounds heavenly. And not having to rush our kids or as I say move them along, even better. And sure it would be nice to be able to take our sweet time to get everywhere. But let’s face it, this is not always realistic.

Let’s get back to the real world now. While I agree that we all need reminders to slow down and to smell the roses a little bit more, the examples cited by the author are a little extreme. Even for the best of us who love our children and try to spend as much time as possible with them. Even for all us parents who encourage independence, self-expression and creativity in our children. The author described herself as a ‘bully’ who pushed her child to extremes when her daughter simply wanted to enjoy life.

While it would be nice to allot time for your child to buckle their stuffed animal into a car seat each time they ride in the car, or have them insist on picking out a purse and matching a glittery tiara as you are trying to get the family out into the car, sometimes parents just need to say, “Too bad. You have run out of time.”

The author states that she will no longer say, “We don’t have time for this,” because that is basically saying, “We don’t have time to live.” Please. It is precisely because we must live and move on and think of others in addition to ourselves that forces us to keep things moving along.

And as much as we would like to examine the breeze rustling through the trees each time we go outside, we have obligations. As parents, we have obligations to a lot of people. Our children (if we have more than one), our partners, our work, colleagues, our immediate family, our friends, and god forbid to ourselves.

Whatever happened to teaching our kids responsibility? Organization? In anticipation of leaving at 6 PM to meet another family at a restaurant, is it not realistic to have prepped your kids so that they can have their purse and crown ready to wear, an in turn avoid holding up the entire family?

As a parent, it is our job to help teach our kids to enjoy and appreciate the little things. But it is equally our job to teach our kids about real life and the consequences for their behavior.

When you make commitments to others, it is not alright to show up 20 minutes late because you were too busy smelling the roses. Enough time needs to be allotted for all of the above. And I strongly believe as a parent, as well as a therapist, that teaching our children to own their behavior and learn compassion for others and others’ time is equally as important as spending time enjoying the little things.

So while I agree that we are all guilty of living life too quickly and not enjoying what is right in front of us, and we all need to put our screens down for a little while so as to focus more on what matters, let’s not forget our manners. Let’s not forget our obligations to others, and our responsibilities to them. Especially the promises that we as parents make to our children to nurture and to help prepare them for the real world.

It is the wish of every parent that their children grow up to be healthy, happy, fulfilled, and to be accepted for whom they are by family and peers.
Having proper manners plays a large role in socialization; being able to read others’ cues and respond accordingly can lay the groundwork for being well liked by others.
Often, the acquisition of manners comes with modeled behavior over time, combined with natural maturity. Adapted from Dr. David Lowry’s blog entitled 25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9, the following are the manners I feel are the most significant in helping to establish healthy social relationships.

1. Learning to say Please and Thank You. Whether your children have just played at someone’s house, or were just taken out for dinner. Saying please and thank you is a no-brainer. If my children do not say it, I say it and then ask them to repeat it. Often many times a day. Over time it will become more natural for them.
   
2. Learning not to interrupt when others are talking. If something needs to be said or is of an urgent nature, first say ‘excuse me’ to get the grown up’s attention.
3. Try to focus on being positive. Complaining about others, or being negative all the time, will not win you points. It’s ok to dislike something, and to voice it. But it is more important to focus on the positive and look for the positive in all situations.
4. Do not tease others or call anyone mean names. Being mean to others is a sign of insecurity, shows others that you are weak, and it not nice. Plain and simple.
5. If you are unsure about a situation, ask for help. Ask for permission. Do not be afraid to ask questions. If unsure or hesitant, it is more appropriate to ask questions ahead of time than to proceed with uncertainty and regret it later. As the expression goes – It is easier to ask for permission than to ask for forgiveness.
6. Meal time etiquette. This is a good one. Learn how to eat your meals with utensils. Eating with fingers, or even worse, licking a plate or bowl clean is a big ‘no-no’. It is impolite. It creates more of a mess at the table, and likely the need for extra stain remover in the laundry if you end up using your shirt as a napkin. If you need something from the opposite end of the table, ask for it to be passed to you. There is no reaching allowed.
7. Always knock on a closed door before entering. Even more important, wait to be invited in. It is not ok to just knock and walk in. Wait for a response. Give others the same courtesy that you would want in return.
8. Learn to cough and sneeze into your elbow. Not in your hand, and not in the air. Others don’t want to breathe it in or smell it. Nor do they want to get sick. And if you do end up coughing and sneezing into your hands, go wash them. With soap.
9. Try to do one good deed a day for others. Hold a door open for someone at a restaurant. Give your seat up at the mall. If a baby throws a toy out of the stroller as it strolls by you, pick it up and hand it back to the caregiver. Every little bit helps. And you’d be surprised how good it makes you feel.
10. 10.When somebody needs help, or a favor, do all you can to help them, to the best of your ability. After all, if you were the one needing the help, you too would want others to make an effort on your behalf.

Ok…so the chances of these all being mastered by age 9 is unlikely. But it sure sets the bar up way high. And it gives us parents and our children something to strive for.