Screen Time and Social Skills

It has become more difficult to engage our children in meaningful conversation when they are in the presence of their favorite TV show, on the DS, or playing on the computer. All three of my children are huge technology fans. Without my assistance, my 4 year-old can scroll successfully on my iPhone and find the game she wants to play or watch a previously recorded video.

For as long as I can remember, it has been a challenge negotiating screen time with my children. How much is too much? How much is not enough? Aren’t some video games educational? Don’t they need to learn how to use computer programs and learn to type for school assignments and for life in general?

After all, as opposed to when we were children, all school assignments are expected to be done using the computer, email and researching on the Internet.

How is all this screen time affecting our children’s ability to learn appropriate social skills like actively listening when others are talking, making eye contact, and merely being in the right headspace to have meaningful conversations?

Although various forms of technology provide educational opportunities for our children, we must offer them a good balance. We need to ensure that we provide significant boundaries so that they are not staring at screens all day, but instead are interacting with their friends, siblings and others around them.

In our home, we have successfully managed several strategies to implement screen time where we are all satisfied….most of the time. None of these strategies are perfect and each pose some challenges on occasion.

Screen Time Strategies:

1. Screen time is used as a reward for chores. After all chores are done. Homework, bath/ shower, putting away laundry, brushed teeth, etc. Use your child’s desired screen time as leverage to ensure all responsibilities are completed before screen time. Don’t be afraid to use screen time as a motivator.
2. Screen time can be used as a reward for achievements. For instance, in our home, when my 8 year-old earned her purple belt in karate, she asked if she could watch a show. She was rewarded with one show for a job well done. After that one show, however, she knew she had to complete her other responsibilities in order to earn any more screen time.
3. Use a timer to monitor how long children are looking at screens. When it comes to playing video games, X Box or scrolling on the computer, setting a timer on the oven or on an alarm clock is very effective. When the timer beeps, their time is up. When it comes to TV, we generally allow one show, which runs between 25-35 minutes. After the show is over, the TV is turned off.
4. TV as a privilege, not an entitlement. In our home, we find it necessary to restrict screen time if we find it is interfering with our children’s socializing or engaging in conversation. When texting starts to detract one’s attention away from talking, we know we need to pull the reigns in a little bit.
   
5. Screen Time and General Courtesy. For instance, there is nothing more irritating when I am out with a friend and she gets a text. I could be mid-sentence and she turns her attention to her phone and begins having a texting conversation – without excusing herself or indicating that this is urgent. The truth is, it probably is not urgent. It is just a really bad social skill that I do not wish my children to acquire. Short of an emergency, there is no reason to engage with technology while we are physically engaged with other people. By teaching my children that screen time is a privilege, and not a right, I hope they too will learn to be courteous, respectful and make eye contact in the presence of others. Returning the email or text can wait.

There is no doubt that this balance is hard to achieve and maintain. Like everything else, as parents all we can do is our best and hope that our children learn by our example and through the boundaries that we set.