Married with Children: The Effect of Children on Marriage

So my husband and I always joke that we are so comfortable around each other, and that after over 20 years together, there is nothing we can do that really phases or shocks or surprises the other. Especially since we had our children, we have learned that there is so little time in our day that we cannot afford to be petty or particularly picky about our manners, how well groomed we are, or how we look to each other.

This is not to say that all the romance is completely dead or that our personal pride has fallen by the wayside. It just means that over time, our priorities and our relationship have evolved and taken on new meanings.

Top 10 Ways Having Children has Changed Us:

Some of the ways described here have been positive in nature. Others…not so much. For the record, our list is an endless one, but for in order to keep within the scope of this blog, I have decided to zoom in on those that describe us best.
Here goes nothing:

1. Let’s face it. The bathroom door is almost always left open. At least for me. My husband has seen me give birth three times and breastfeed for a combined total of almost three years, there is not much else that can be left to the imagination.
2. Sex, however frequent, is done with one ear at the door. Little footsteps, or little voices yelling in their sleep kind of puts a damper on anyone’s mood.
3. Watching my children snuggle my husband and seeing how tremendously he is in love with all of them, even if he drives me crazy the other 23 hours of the day, makes the crazy part all worthwhile. It kind of makes me like him more.
4. In a house with three children, we are looking forward to the summer where, for a two-week period, two of my three of my children will be away at overnight camp. Bedtime for one? A cinch. HOORAY for our freedom. We will relish the quiet and have our evenings back, at least for a short while. It amazes me that I am so excited about this. The fact that I will be worried and won’t sleep for 2 weeks is entirely another story.
5. My kids ask me all the time why I am so dressed up, if I happen to ‘not’ be in my yoga pants. Hello, children, I still work. I do need to get dressed some of the time. I have kind of forgotten that looking nice and dressing up does not only have to be for weddings or Bar Mitzvahs.
6. The sound of silence at 9 pm takes on a whole new meaning. It is no longer time to snuggle on the couch and watch a rental movie, as it was before kids. Now it is time to finish cleaning up, make lunches, and ensure all is prepared for the next day. And off to bed I go. I often cannot keep my eyes open beyond that time anyway. And when I get into bed I silently pray for an uneventful night – a night with no nightmares, no growing pains and no puking is considered a success in my book.
7. I cannot fathom how friends without children are able to fill their day. What do they do with their time? What did I used to do with my time? Beyond sleeping more, I cannot remember much. Nor do I really crave much.
8. Sunday afternoons now consist of homework, showering, the children doing their chores and everyone getting ready for the week. Sure, there is often the spontaneous movie or play date or dinner out. But there is ALWAYS something that needs to get done. Being able to completely relax is very hard for us to do at any time.
9. Our date nights are VERY carefully thought out. After all, they are not that frequent. Who gets to choose the movie? Do we want to invite another couple to join? What are we going to do? And there is always the need to keep an eye on the clock as the babysitter meter is always ticking.
10. 1That moment just before we get into bed, where we do one last check on the kids. We turn them into their beds (because they are almost always sideways or have one limb hanging over the bed), we tuck them in, and we kiss them on their delicious sweaty little foreheads. And then we look at each other, and the look alone is telling of how blessed we are. We both know.

And although we sometimes look at each other and burst into laughter wondering how the hell we got here, without saying a word, we both know, that with all the craziness, and schedules and laundry and fingerprints everywhere, we would not have it any other way.