Children and Manners

It is the wish of every parent that their children grow up to be healthy, happy, fulfilled, and to be accepted for whom they are by family and peers.
Having proper manners plays a large role in socialization; being able to read others’ cues and respond accordingly can lay the groundwork for being well liked by others.
Often, the acquisition of manners comes with modeled behavior over time, combined with natural maturity. Adapted from Dr. David Lowry’s blog entitled 25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9, the following are the manners I feel are the most significant in helping to establish healthy social relationships.

1. Learning to say Please and Thank You. Whether your children have just played at someone’s house, or were just taken out for dinner. Saying please and thank you is a no-brainer. If my children do not say it, I say it and then ask them to repeat it. Often many times a day. Over time it will become more natural for them.
   
2. Learning not to interrupt when others are talking. If something needs to be said or is of an urgent nature, first say ‘excuse me’ to get the grown up’s attention.
3. Try to focus on being positive. Complaining about others, or being negative all the time, will not win you points. It’s ok to dislike something, and to voice it. But it is more important to focus on the positive and look for the positive in all situations.
4. Do not tease others or call anyone mean names. Being mean to others is a sign of insecurity, shows others that you are weak, and it not nice. Plain and simple.
5. If you are unsure about a situation, ask for help. Ask for permission. Do not be afraid to ask questions. If unsure or hesitant, it is more appropriate to ask questions ahead of time than to proceed with uncertainty and regret it later. As the expression goes – It is easier to ask for permission than to ask for forgiveness.
6. Meal time etiquette. This is a good one. Learn how to eat your meals with utensils. Eating with fingers, or even worse, licking a plate or bowl clean is a big ‘no-no’. It is impolite. It creates more of a mess at the table, and likely the need for extra stain remover in the laundry if you end up using your shirt as a napkin. If you need something from the opposite end of the table, ask for it to be passed to you. There is no reaching allowed.
7. Always knock on a closed door before entering. Even more important, wait to be invited in. It is not ok to just knock and walk in. Wait for a response. Give others the same courtesy that you would want in return.
8. Learn to cough and sneeze into your elbow. Not in your hand, and not in the air. Others don’t want to breathe it in or smell it. Nor do they want to get sick. And if you do end up coughing and sneezing into your hands, go wash them. With soap.
9. Try to do one good deed a day for others. Hold a door open for someone at a restaurant. Give your seat up at the mall. If a baby throws a toy out of the stroller as it strolls by you, pick it up and hand it back to the caregiver. Every little bit helps. And you’d be surprised how good it makes you feel.
10. 10.When somebody needs help, or a favor, do all you can to help them, to the best of your ability. After all, if you were the one needing the help, you too would want others to make an effort on your behalf.

Ok…so the chances of these all being mastered by age 9 is unlikely. But it sure sets the bar up way high. And it gives us parents and our children something to strive for.