A Parent's Puberty Survival Guide

Ahhh… puberty. The inevitable time in our lives where our emotions are like roller coasters, our body is sprouting hair in all kinds of  places, and the confusing time where one minute we demand independence whereas the next we are enjoying cuddles with our parents.

While contemplating a topic for this week’s blog, my two older children simultaneously yelled out, “something having to do with puberty!” I was not sure if I should be happy or concerned that they each wanted me to discuss what is clearly on their minds at this time.

Well I am happy to oblige. If they are asking, it means they are thinking about it. And if they are thinking about it, then it is my obligation to ensure that they have as much accurate information as possible to survive.

So here it goes.

My husband and I have always made it a priority to be open and honest with our children about our bodies, the names of our body parts, and the function of our body parts.

We are at the stage now where we have no choice but to face the reality that puberty has officially entered our home. But we are armed and ready. There is no turning.
When asked, questions are always answered in language that the Miriam Webster dictionary would recognize.

So when it comes to answering questions about puberty, the same rules apply.

In the fall, my daughter had to study for a test in her Health class, which covered the reproductive system, the anatomy of the reproductive system and the hormonal impact on the reproductive system. Absolutely refusing to go to my husband on this one, she came to me and asked for help. So I rolled up my sleeves, and we got to work. We googled images. She memorized the male and female reproductive anatomy. She learned the processes of egg and sperm production, and the anatomical changes in girls and boys during puberty. I tested her on the names of the hormones involved in producing sperm and eggs. She got it. And she nailed it on her test.

For most of us, surviving puberty once was enough stress to last a lifetime. And our own experiences and memories of this process as adolescents are ones which we would rather forget. But as parents, it is our duty and our obligation to help our children, and guide them through what is inevitably a very difficult and confusing time.

Surviving Puberty as a Parent:

1. Take a big breath, and examine the big picture. Not all aspects of puberty need to be answered at once. This would be too overwhelming for anyone. Answer the questions as they come up. Most importantly, children need to know the basics, and be taught the skill set to get them through this stage, one day at a time.
2. For most parents, teaching about the body does and should occur earlier in childhood. Certainly before puberty hits. If communication is open within the family, children will feel like the they can come to us to discuss aspects about their bodies, or any other very personal subjects. Before puberty takes over your home, ensure that your child is familiar with topics like  menstruation, wet dreams, masturbation, where babies come from, and the emotional effects and diversity of sex and sexuality.
3. Set boundaries with your children about what you expect with regards to their behaviour. Ensure that you and your child discuss the rules/boundaries as they begin to test their own behaviours, and experiment with their developing identities. These rules need to be consistent but also fluid in that they will slightly change as the needs of your children change. And most certainly we must be open to the changing needs of our children.
4. Remember to pick your battles. Not everything needs to be an argument. Children need to feel that they can openly express themselves. But at the same time, their hormones and their moods are constantly overpowering their behaviours. As parents, we must evaluate whether our children are reacting the way they are because they are hormonal (and in 10 minutes that mood will likely pass) or if there is a situation which requires more serious emotional management such as the onset of mental illness, addiction of any kind, being a victim of bullying, etc.

My husband and I look forward to continuing to ride this wave together. We each survived puberty once, and there is a good chance that we will get through it, in our case, three more times. The key is to continue to guide our children, encourage them to come to us with questions, and to be as open and as honest as possible.

We will let you know how that goes….